In my last post I wrote about how often to serve dessert and some DOs and DON’Ts for treats with children. Today I’m focusing on how much dessert is appropriate in one sitting. The recommendations may surprise you.
Dessert with a meal
As I mentioned previously, serving dessert with a meal instead of only afterwards can be a helpful strategy. When dessert is offered as part of the meal rather than a post-meal reward, it loses some of its power as a condition for finishing dinner.
If you choose to include dessert with a meal, one serving is generally sufficient. That could be two small cookies, a scoop of ice cream, or a modest piece of cake. In my home, when dessert is placed on my child’s plate along with the rest of the meal, he usually accepts that portion and rarely asks for more.
Unlimited dessert — sometimes
It may seem counterintuitive, but occasionally allowing unlimited servings of a dessert can be beneficial. This doesn’t mean daily or constant access, but offering a no-limit moment once in a while — during an afternoon snack or at a party, for example — can help children develop a healthier relationship with treats.
Examples include putting a plate of cookies on the table and letting your child take as many as they want, or allowing freedom at a dessert table at a celebration. The idea is to remove the “forbidden” label some sweets can acquire when they are always restricted.
Research and experience suggest that strict restriction can backfire. Children who are regularly denied certain foods often overeat those same foods when they get access. Many adults recall overeating treats at friends’ houses because those items weren’t available at home.
Child feeding expert Ellyn Satter recommends occasional no-limit access to treats. That means no comments about portion size, no disapproving looks, and no pressure. If a child asks for more, respond calmly: they may have as much as they like during that occasion.
When practiced intermittently, this approach helps children view dessert neutrally rather than as a forbidden treasure. They may still prefer sweets to other foods, but desserts lose their special status. Knowing they can have more later reduces the urge to gorge right away, and many children stop eating when they feel satisfied.
My own experience
As a parent, it can be tough to allow extra sweets when you’d prefer kids fill up on healthier options. Remember, though, this is occasional rather than everyday. Trusting your child to make reasonable choices helps them learn self-regulation.
For example, my son had been asking for M&Ms almost daily. To break the cycle, one afternoon I set a bowl of M&Ms on the table during snack time. We sat and talked for a bit, and he ate until he felt done. He didn’t finish the bowl, didn’t keep asking for more, and didn’t return to nag about them afterward. That small experiment changed the dynamic.
Just try it
If the idea of letting kids have as much dessert as they want makes you uneasy, try it as an occasional experiment rather than a rule. Observe how your child responds. In many cases, offering controlled access during meals combined with occasional unlimited moments helps kids develop a balanced, less charged relationship with sweets.